More tranny stories later!
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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