a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
