I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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