just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
