What did we do last night that was yellow?
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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