i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
