So drunk its hurt
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
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