Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Someone shattered a urinal.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Randomize