Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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