OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
