i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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