All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
