is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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