my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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