I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
