So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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