How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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