oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Randomize