I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
