If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize
