Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
