Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
