you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
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