I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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