dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
