what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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