Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
