Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
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