I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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