Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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