Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
