I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Success! We fucked roommates!
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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