hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
