So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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