Soap is not a condiment
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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