We're facebook friends in real life
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
