I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
only you would photoshop your dick
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
