I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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