i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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