Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
