went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
