So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Randomize
