oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Watching her eat just hurts me
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
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