Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
