There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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