Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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