the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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