I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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