We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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