There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
