all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
