Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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