so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
