i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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