I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
