How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
