make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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