I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
either way he was missing a nipple.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
My feet surprised me
Randomize