How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
