I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
