Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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