Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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