before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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