I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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