I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
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