Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
