Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
