Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
